


Lost

by aurla0



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-02-23
Packaged: 2017-12-03 09:05:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/696606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurla0/pseuds/aurla0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If it’s a time when I was happy- it must have been then.<br/>I thought that it was good, just us alone living together in that perfect world<br/>Where your smile and your laughter belonged only to me, my shining beacon leading me back to you. When I basked in the brilliance and warmth that radiated from you, thawing the empty ice cold blankness of the outside world.<br/>But I guess the problem was... you didn’t feel the same thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost

If it’s a time when I was happy- it must have been then.

I thought that it was good, just us alone living together in that perfect world

Where your smile and your laughter belonged only to me, my shining beacon leading me back to you. When I basked in the brilliance and warmth that radiated from you, thawing the empty ice cold blankness of the outside world.

But I guess the problem was... you didn’t feel the same thing.

Your eyes, the startling striking gold that I coveted so much, which were always locked on me back then... wandered, searching out brightly burning red, your new family. Confused, wounded, I sank into blue shadow and told myself many lies to rationalize it, to make it seem okay. I didn’t want to acknowledge that Misaki would leave me, would want to replace me. Maybe you believed me when I said I was fine. I never could.

Our hearts, that had synchronized and beat out the same rhythm for all those years together just us two; drifted apart. Then I felt like my heart must have to stop completely from the pain, but I suppose that such a thing is simply a childish flight of fancy.

I never wanted this kind of Misaki, who would laugh so freely with others. You who were my universe, began to orbit those others instead. It scared me, this you, to whom I was just one among many. I was... scared.

And then I was freezing, frost spiralling through my veins, every breath crystallizing, catching in my throat. Ice shards caging my heart, ready to pierce through me, destroy me. Without Misaki’s warmth, I could not live, growing brittle and cold, ready to shatter at the slightest provocation.

I panicked, grasped frantically for a tether, any tether, a ribbon to bind you to me, to keep you with me. I used to trust that if I let you go you would always return to me, but now I feel like if you fly away, I will never see you again. But what chain could hold you against the strength of your blazing spirit, your endless devotion? That trust, that loyalty used to belong only to me, but somehow now I am no longer enough. 

I was left holding tightly to one last thread, twining it around my fingers and clenched fist until it broke skin and drew blood, staining the string a deep red. I hoped you would notice, remember me, and do... something... But you didn’t even look my way.

Without Misaki’s smile, I was lost. In darkness, searching blindly for the memory of your light, of your attention. I never found my way out from there, still trapped in shadow, where monsters lurk to tear at what remains of my heart.

I was lost, and I could not find my way home to you, Misaki.

I was lost.

And I was desperate.


End file.
